


Fear Of Being Second Best

by GayAquarius



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blushing, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, Kissing, Light Angst, POV Third Person, Relationship(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 14:13:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6707482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayAquarius/pseuds/GayAquarius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose has been gone for years, but Pearl still seems to be hung up on her. This causes Garnet to experience an emotion she's unfamiliar with: jealousy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Planting The Seed (Of Jealousy)

**Author's Note:**

> Some may say Garnet experiencing Jealousy is OOC. However, most people experience jealousy at one point or another in their life, even if they prefer not to admit it. It's a normal emotion and nothing to be ashamed of, as long as you don't use it as an excuse to hurt others (for example, excessively controlling your partner's friendships out of jealousy). 
> 
> I tried my best to keep her in character as much as possible despite tackling her feeling an emotion that many would argue does not fit her character.

_Jealousy._

Such an ugly emotion, one that Garnet deeply wished she wasn't familiar with. Generally speaking, she was able to keep her emotions in check. Her stoic persona was one she was known for, and she took pride in it. However, Garnet wasn't perfect at keeping her feelings at bay, and sometimes, she felt them creep up on her. She was very human in that regard, much to her chagrin. Despite this, she did a good job at keeping them in check, keeping them from slipping out.

For the most part.

_

On the mission for the day, the subject of Rose managed to come up. Garnet didn't remember the exact details, but she was pretty sure it started when Steven asked a question about her. It was relevant somehow, at least at the time. The specifics didn't matter. What did matter to Garnet is the way Pearl oh so eagerly jumped on his question, gushing as she answered it.

One would think that Rose was her favorite topic of conversation. It was as if just for a second, she forgot that Rose was no longer around. Her cheeks flushed a lively shade of turquoise as she blathered on about the love of her life, going into much more detail than Steven asked for. Anything to talk about Rose, right?

Through gritted teeth, Garnet said, “Let's change the subject.” It then became completely silent, and Pearl looked flustered. She awkwardly averted her gaze and they walked in silence. Nobody said a word for the rest of the mission unless it was necessary.

_

When they returned from the mission, Garnet immediately headed for the couch and sat down. She zoned out, no longer mentally present, and started to ponder everything on her mind.

Back when Rose was around and just starting to become romantically involved with Greg, Pearl felt an unbelievable amount of jealousy. It leaked out during everything she did. It was toxic, bitter. Pearl seemed to have no interest in even trying to keep it to herself, and Garnet remembered how ridiculous it all seemed. This was partially due to the denial that she could possibly have a similar emotion. Garnet thought she was above it. How silly she was for thinking that.

Often, when Garnet felt jealousy sneak up on her, she used younger Pearl as a point of reference on how _not_ to act. She'd never admit it, but it was the truth. As much as she loved Pearl, she became insufferable when she got into that mindset, and Garnet refused to be the same way.

However, she felt her rationality escape her as she compared the way Pearl acted around her to the way she acted around Rose. It's not as if Pearl showed no affection towards Garnet; she was unusually touchy-feely, always grabbing her arm in moments of distress. Sometimes she'd also seem to try a little too hard to impress her, despite how long the two have known each other. It was wonderful, and even with her serious expression externally, it made Garnet smile inside.

Too bad it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine. Garnet couldn't get over the idea that she was nothing more than a rebound. She worried that no matter how Pearl acted towards her, she'd never love her the same way as she'd love Rose. Even though Rose disappeared, she still felt second best to her. Garnet desperately wished this reality was easier to accept, but she couldn't do it.

Suddenly, her thoughts got interrupted by a familiar, lovely voice.

“Garnet? Is everything okay?”

It's as if Garnet thinking of Pearl summoned her. For a little while, she stood still, grateful her shades shielded any vulnerability that may have shown in her eyes.

“Yes, I'm fine.” Garnet realized after saying this that she couldn't believe herself. How was Pearl supposed to accept these words? As she uttered them, they didn't sound like her typical cool, collected self. They sounded ever so shaky. While she wasn't like Pearl who always seemed to be on the verge of a breakdown, it was more obvious than she wanted to be that she was lying.

“I'm not sure I believe that,” Pearl whispered, sitting next to her. Garnet wasn't proud of the way she analyzed the details, noting exactly how close Pearl chose to sit to her, which was pretty close. Usually, she could count on Pearl to over-analyze, but the roles reversed tonight. She locked herself in place, refusing to move in case Pearl would move away. She was silent. There was no response to Pearl's words.

“Garnet... does the fact that I haven't moved on from Rose no longer being here... annoy you?” Her voice wavered, and she knew she had to be careful. She couldn't make Pearl cry. Not now. She couldn't stand to see it.

“I don't think annoy is the right word,” Garnet replied flatly.

“Then what is the right word?” Pearl asked, her voice getting shakier. Garnet looked at Pearl, and saw the tears in her eyes. She looked like she was about to bawl, and suddenly, Garnet had the urge to hold her, to steady her, but she stayed put. She noticed Pearl's lip begin to quiver, and Garnet could no longer stand to look at her. “G-Garnet?”

Pearl was being a little melodramatic. No surprise there; it was typical Pearl. Yet, Garnet couldn't bring herself to mind. If Pearl was anyone else, she'd probably grate on Garnet, but Pearl was special.

She was special enough so that the already cautious gem put even more thought into her words, into how she'd respond in the best possible way. Pearl deserved the truth, but she wasn't sure if she could say it.

“Pearl,” Garnet started, turning to face Pearl once more while gently placing her hand on her shoulder, causing Pearl to blush. “I do not find it annoying that you talk about Rose. You two were very close. It just... hurts me sometimes.” Garnet's voice trailed off, and she took comfort in the vagueness of her statement.

“Oh, right! I totally understand. I guess I forget sometimes that you and Amethyst miss her too. Even though we were really close, Rose's absence affects us all. I'll be more considerate of it from now on. Thanks for telling me!”

With that, Pearl stood up and walked away before Garnet had time to formulate a response. The arm that originally rested on Pearl's shoulder dropped back to her side, and she was back to sitting on the couch alone.

Pearl wasn't wrong. Garnet did sometimes find herself missing Rose, and she was sure Amethyst felt the same. Because of this, maybe it was for the better that Pearl would remember that she wasn't the only one who cared for Rose. However, the true meaning behind what Garnet said seemed to completely fly over her head. She wasn't sure if _that_ was for the better.


	2. Boiling Point

Approximately a week passed since that interaction, and while Garnet didn't want to admit to it, it still troubled her. The thoughts lingered in her mind, distracting her constantly, even in situations that desperately needed her focus. It was embarrassing for her. She was a gem warrior who was thousands of years old, yet she had temporarily been reduced to that of a preteen schoolgirl with a silly crush.

She did what she could to keep her focus on the jobs at hand, but it became increasingly difficult. Garnet thought that perhaps if she was able to talk to someone about it, it would alleviate the thoughts. As always, the thought of opening up like that terrified her.

When the trio returned from a particularly dangerous mission that Steven was left behind for, Steven eagerly ran up to Pearl and pulled her out the door, saying that he saw something neat on the beach that he knew she'd like. Garnet couldn't help but feel a sense of relief that the source of her tension was gone, even temporarily. She expected Amethyst to go her own way as usual, but she stayed put.

“Garnet, what's up? You've been acting all weird lately,” Amethyst pointed out with a laugh, playfully punching Garnet.

“I'm. Not. Acting. Weird.” This line was said with a tightened jaw. While Garnet didn't want to admit it, the question made her feel like she was about to boil over with rage. She took a deep breath, trying to maintain her composure. She was starting to realize that the fatal downside to not expressing her emotions was the way they built up when left unattended.

“Jeez, no need to get pissy,” Amethyst said with an eye roll. “I guess I better leave you alone in case I set you off just by existing.”

Amethyst headed back to her room. Garnet felt a hint of guilt for snapping at Amethyst. It was unlike her to lose her cool like that. She considered going after her to apologize, but just then, Steven and Pearl busted back through the door. Steven was dragging Pearl in by her wrist.

“Wasn't that _cool,_ Pearl?” Steven asked eagerly with starry eyes.

“It certainly was, Steven. You do know me pretty well.” Pearl then looked over and saw that Garnet was standing around, doing nothing in particular. She began to blush, and Garnet wanted it to mean something. Deep down, she knew it was because Pearl blushed at pretty much everything.

“Well, I'm gonna go play some video games now. See ya later, Pearl!” Steven said, zooming away like a child sized rocket. This left Garnet and Pearl alone with each other.

“Hey, Garnet. What are you doing here?” Pearl asked, approaching Garnet. She cringed upon seeing Garnet's tense facial expression. She looked up at the taller gem, her soft blue eyes filled with worry. “Is... is everything okay?”

In that moment, Garnet found herself contemplating what she should say. Her immediate reaction was to want to reassure Pearl that yes, everything was, indeed, okay, even if that was blatantly untrue. However, that mindset, that habit of repression was the very thing that led to her blind rage over Amethyst asking a simple question.

Garnet couldn't continue keeping everything inside. She could not lie, even if the lie was supposedly for the greater good. Not this time.

“No, I'm not okay.” She said that sentence rather flatly, with no particular affect. It was her normal voice. Garnet felt like she should have spat it out, or barely uttered it as she choked up. She didn't, because in the end, she was still Garnet. Still relatively emotionless, although recent situations have proven that she isn't entirely.

“What's wrong?” Pearl asked, with the most genuine sounding concern Garnet had ever heard. She reached out and touched her arm sympathetically while her eyes pleaded for the truth. Just for a moment, Garnet forgot why she was upset, getting swept up in the moment. It came and went faster than she would have liked.

Even though she had been more honest about her feelings than she had been in a while, she wasn't sure just how much of the truth she could force out, especially when the truth was so ridiculous and petty.

“I... I don't think I can tell you, Pearl.” While Garnet's voice wasn't as steady as it always was, she still managed to keep it together. It was moments like these where she was grateful Ruby didn't overpower her personality. The thought of how this situation would have ended if Ruby were dominant almost made her chuckle, but not quite.

“I want you to tell me, though. You always keep everything inside.” Pearl took a deep breath before continuing. “But I can't force you to say anything you don't want to say.”

“Thank you.”

“But if you want, we could go for a walk. I won't pressure you to talk about what's on your mind, but I think it might help. You've seemed really stressed lately and I think it could help.” There was a brief period of silence. “Come on, please? The beach is really pretty at sunset, and walks can be nice and relaxing.”

How could Garnet say no to her?

“Sure. Let's go.”


	3. Admittance Of The Truth

As the duo strolled down the beach, she noticed there wasn't many people there. It gave her a much needed sense of privacy. As they walked, Garnet remembered how Steven told her that Jamie moped on this very shoreline. The rejection hurt him, and Garnet thought he was overreacting. Now, she was starting to realize how he felt when she imagined how much it would sting to have Pearl reject her.

She said how three is a crowd. For a while, this is truly how she felt. However, that was a lie. Even if three was a crowd, there was a certain gem she wouldn't mind being a part of that crowd.

“Is there anything you want to talk about at all?” Pearl asked. “It doesn't have to be anything in particular, I just wouldn't mind talking to you rather than walking in silence.” A second later, Pearl frantically added, while making some panicked hand gestures, “Not that there's anything wrong with walking in silence, of course. It's all up to you.”

Garnet put her hand on Pearl's shoulder again. It felt nice, and she loved making excuses to do so. Pearl stopped in place, and spun around, looking up, gazing into Garnet's eyes the best she could with the shades in the way.

“Pearl.”

“Yes?”

“Have you ever felt jealousy?” This was a question Garnet already knew the answer to. Pearl never was the master of subtlety. However, she couldn't think of a better way to open the topic. Not to mention, the thought of Pearl squirming in place while denying her jealousy that always was left out in the open, uncovered, amused Garnet more than it should have.

“I... I suppose I have.” Garnet had an urge to tease her. She considered saying that Pearl obviously had a fairly long history of intense jealousy and that she was dodging the question with a half truth. Garnet decided to hold back with all of this. That wasn't the point of the conversation. “Why do you ask?” Pearl asked.

“How did you work past said jealousy?”

“Well... I don't know,” Pearl murmured. “I never really figured it out. I mean...” She broke the eye contact she was making with Garnet and looked to the side. “I guess I don't need to say that I was jealous of Greg when he managed to get Rose's attention. I did some things I'm not proud of, and while they made me feel better in the moment, I wouldn't recommend them. But then the jealousy became pretty much irrelevant once.... when Rose... er... _disappeared_.”

There were a few tears in her eyes, and she quickly blinked and continued walking ahead. Garnet walked with her.

“Why do you ask? Are you jealous of someone? I mean, I'm glad to offer advice, but-” Garnet interrupted Pearl.

“Yes, I am jealous of someone. Specifically, Rose.” Unlike the majority of what she said, Garnet didn't think that response through. It impulsively slipped out, Ruby style. Although she generally kept it in check, sometimes Garnet couldn't hold back her hot-headed, reckless side.

“B-but Rose is gone? Why would you be jealous of her? How d-”

Garnet plopped down on the sand, patting the seat next to her, and nonchalantly said, “Sit. I'll explain.” Pearl was upset, but she did as Garnet said with no questions or complaints. She then propped up her knees and buried her face in them. She didn't want Garnet to see her like this.

In as few words as possible, Garnet explained, “I'm jealous of Rose for the same reason you were jealous of Greg. Because she's your favorite. It feels like I'm a second choice. Even though she's been gone for years, I still feel like I'll never measure up to her.”

Pearl, in a state of shock, didn't know how to react. Her entire face turned blue. She kept glancing over at Garnet for the shortest of moments before averting her eyes once again. There were no sounds from either for them for quite a while, until eventually, Pearl began to laugh. It was a manic giggle, one that was strained and awkward. Despite her best efforts, she couldn't stop, even when she was in hysterics and felt tears pool up in her eyes.

“It's not funny,” Garnet growled, doing an unusually poor job at covering up how she felt.

“I know,” Pearl responded in between laughs. She took a few deep breaths in an attempt to regather herself. In a very weak voice, she said, “I wasn't laughing at you.”

“Then what _were_ you laughing at?”

“I'm laughing at this entire situation, I guess. When I saw something was bothering you, I tried to think of what it could possibly be but this was the last thing I ever would have expected. The fact that _I'm_ the reason you're upset. Who would have thought? Me, of all the things that could possibly make you feel that way?” Pearl was rambling, no longer carefully censoring her thoughts. “I didn't think I could have ever been important enough to make you feel like this.”

Garnet twisted her body to face Pearl, and firmly placed a hand on either cheek. She was careful not to grip too hard, but she wasn't gentle.

“Don't ever say that again. You are important. More than you'll ever know.” Her arms dropped down again. “And I apologize for saying all of that.”

“Why are you saying sorry?” Pearl was rapidly blinking, looking everywhere but directly at Garnet. “Look, I did love Rose. I loved her very much, and I still do. That will never change. But I love you too. I mean, I've always been fond of you even when Rose was around, but I was too busy pining after her to really get to know you. That was my fault. I don't regret getting to know her of course, but I should have talked to you sooner.”

Pearl took a deep breath as a tear rolled down her cheek. Her voice sounded strained as she uttered, “I'm not going to say I'm glad she's no longer around, because no matter what, that's never how I'll actually feel. There's not a day that goes by where I don't wish she was still here. But there are good things that came from her disappearing. I mean, obviously it's the only reason Steven exists, and I'm glad he's here. But something I never realized until now is that if it weren't for that, I never would have had the chance to get to know you.”

She finished her speech with a voice so weak she sounded like she was on the verge of collapse. “So, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I always grab your arm when I'm feeling scared and I turn to you for guidance and support, but I never thought about how you felt about it. I never wanted you to feel like a rebound.” Pearl clasped her hands together as if she was begging, rotating her body in the sand to face Garnet again. “Please forgive me?”

Garnet took in the sight of the gem sitting before her, pleading for forgiveness after such a lame confession. Her sky colored eyes were watery and her mouth shook, but Pearl didn't look entirely upset. Garnet felt a smile creep up on her face.

“Oh, come here,” Garnet said, pulling the pastel gem onto her lap. She draped Pearl over her legs and dipped her back. Then, she gave Pearl a passionate kiss with the nearly set sun as their backdrop. Pearl went limp in her arms.

“Shall I kiss you again?” Garnet asked gently.

“Y-yes, please.”

So she did, again and again while Pearl remained seated in Garnet's lap, until the sun finally set completely.


End file.
